Don't Fail Yourself

It hurts to disappoint others

when you don't do what is expected

When you fail the ones you love.

But I think it's almost ten times worse,

to fail yourself.

To let yourself go,

or to not reach a goal.

To hurt yourself,

or to be disappointed in something that you thought was going well.

To be so sure,

of something,

and when it does not work out,

boom,

crash,

bam,

it's just like a knife to the heart.

It really stinks,

ya know?

What Inspires You?

Live Young Die Fast

Live young

die fast.

No one,

will last.

So sit back and relax

enjoy the crash,

you're fading to black 

and you're gone.

Live young

die fast.

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start's cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal's your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]

When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]



- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

Liv-yo Moments

Always there for me,

always cheerful when I need her.

And even when she's having a bad day,

Liv-yo is there.

And cracking jokes.

I remember when we were little,

and I would stay home sick.

Probably a sore throat.

And she would call,

as soon as she got home,

to make sure I was okay.

Deep panic in her voice,

and a sigh of relief when I told her I was fine.

(And a big hug the next day when I came back)

I remember trying to make ice cream out of whipped cream.

That honey lemon flavor?

Disgusting.

But her mom drank/ate it anyways.

We'd watch The Princess Bride

every single time I came over.

Which was probably  every other weekend.

I've almost memorized that movie.

We once watched the parent trap too, 

and that night,

I drank their whole gallon of milk.

We once came up with a whole presentation 

to convince her parents that she should have a turtle.

We tried to find the smallest one possible,

which, I believe, turned out to be some poisonous endangered one from Africa or something.

Oops.

I remember filming.

And filming non-stop.

"Buy it today! You won't have to pay... (much)"

We used to wash the cars.

I think it was to earn money.

But we had great times and always got soaked.

The only fight we've ever had,

was over a checkers game.

Maddy was helping Liv cheat.

And then she won.

And I got mad and walked away.

Then,

5 minutes later,

We all played.

I'm not sure how... but it worked.

And our 4th grade teacher loved us.

We were the first ones done with our state reports, and the only ones to go out to recess.

That was  a great recess.

Maurice used to hire us to do jobs for him.

I only remember eating his chocolate though...

sorry Maurice.

Liv-yo and I have had great times.

And so many countless times she haas been there to make me feel better.

I hope I have done the same for her.

Liv-yo,

your insanity keeps me sane.

(Almost)

thanks buddy=)

NOTYOUR NACHO!

I love the Twilight series.

Read them last year,

just saw the movie,

and everything in that book makes you want to live it.

But can't we live it,

I mean the head over heels in love fairy tale,

without being a vampire?

Everyone's obsessed with vampires and how they wish those books were real.

You want them to be real?

Go out looking for someone you could love.

And there's your fairy tale.

Oh and guess what?

They could actually be human too.

*GASP!*

I know right?

BIG shocker.

And Her Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day...

What we have,

still glows

a fiery red.

It glistens in the moonlight,

a blaze of glory.

What I want,

when you are gone,

is you.

That is all.

This year,

is not made of much,

when you are not with me.

Social studies

bores me,

and I take no interest in science.

I look forward 

to you.

Always have,

always will.

And I don't think I knew,

last year,

how much,

I love you.

This year,

I know.

I've grown to realize,

most things I look forward to,

talk about,

and think about,

are you.

I am constantly reminded 

of our old times,

of our old memories.

I love you,

and I know now more than I ever have baby.

1/20/09

A day,

a day when we are finally all free.

When history forgives itself,

and the man once at the bottom,

now rises to the top.

A day,

where our great and now honorable nation,

can be divided in opinions,

in differences,

and in values,

but united as one.

A day,

where we are together in this.

A great new beginning 

to a great new life,

to dig us out of this hole.

No more shame,

but honor.

I am besieged with pride

on this very day,

to watch this very man,

defy everything,

and lead us to great new things.

That moment,

that moment of relief,

and happiness,

and hope,

brings us all together.

The whole nation looks on at once,

all involved,

all together,

as the United States of America.

I've decided that love is undefined.

No Longer Good-bye

Good-bye,

is such a harsh word.

No matter how or when you say it.

It's never very positive.

And,

to me,

it always seems that when we say good-bye,

it is a sad thing.

It is why I never say good-bye to my pets.

It makes them sound as if they are about to croak.

And so,

it goes. 

No longer good-bye,

But good day.

No longer good-bye,

but good night.

No longer good-bye,

but so long,

see you soon

A brush of the hand,

a kiss of the lips.

It's all the same.

Love.

And I guess we all know what Erica's thinking about tonight...

Wouldn't It Be Nice

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older

Then we wouldn't have to wait so long

And wouldn't it be nice to live together

In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better

When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up

In the morning when the day is new

And after having spent the day together

Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together weve been spending

I wish that every kiss was neverending

Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish 

and hope and pray it might come true

Baby then there wouldn't be 

a single thing we couldn't do

We could be married

And then wed be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it

It only makes it worse to live without it

But let's talk about it

Wouldn't it be nice...

Memories.

That folder is stocked full of memories.

Some bad,

but most good.

And I love them.

They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I love how I still feel the same way i did when I wrote them.

Gosh!

New Life Goal

My new life goal:

I'm going to fly to Greece, and then run through the streets singing ABBA songs.

Then everyone will follow me and we will have a grand parade!

It's going to be great!

Anyone else want to come?

I'm like a friend bologna and onion sandwich.

Maybe a little bit of bacon in there.

Sizzled until I can be sizzled no more.

Work.

Work work work.

Eat.

Play violin for a hacking 45 minutes (as if I had time).

Work.

Shower.

Sleep.

I barely have time to relax at all.

This was pretty much my week.

Then this weekend,

I have been working since I got up yesterday.

I have a heap load of homework.

Mostly math.

And I didn't do a whole lot of relaxing  this weekend either.

And I can tell,

this week will be another

work,

eat,

play violin,

work,

shower,

sleep week.

Great.

I know I should get used to it.

But I don't want to.

I want to go out and have fun.

Thank god I'm done for the rest of the day today,

before I have to plunge back in tomorrow.

Ugh.

I am losing my mind.

I need a un-brain-stimulating break.

I need to mush my brain with lots of tv or something.

Or get it back to normal,

just let it reload.

Because right now,

it's fried.

Where has the day gone,

nobody knows.

It seems like just this morning,

I had big plans for the future.

It seems like just this afternoon,

I was waiting for your call.

It seems like just this evening,

I ran out of time.

And tonight, 

I am hoping without hope.

He walks,

slowly uphill,

to that moment,

that shining moment of glory,

where the adrenaline is high,

and his pride glows.

He gets a beat,

a steady beat,

determined to make it to his goal.

He almost slips a couple of times,

but he is going to make it.

At last at the top,

is high,

his moment,

it's great.

Until he begins to fall downhill,

he catches him self but ends up sliding on his

rear-end that whole way down.

Not a very satisfactory ending to his moment.

His wind blown face is shocked,

he gets up,

slowly,

for he aches all over.

He turns around,

and marches right back up where he fell.

Determined,

to do it all again,

to make it right.

He believes in himself.

Floating,

on nothing,

just flowing along,

happy,

for no reason,

but not overly happy,

not outgoing "life is so great!" happy,

moving,

slowly,

at top speed.

Living in a dream,

literally,

it seems I'm always thinking of the things I miss.

Life is not the same,

and 8th grade is...

nothing.

Floating,

moving,

going nowhere.

ERICA IS HAVING ON OF THOSE DAYS WHERE SHE SLACKS OFF TO NO END AND DOESN'T CARE AND THEN GETS REALLY OUT OF IT AND CONFUSED AND FEELS KINDA LONELY AND VULNERABLE AND SCARED AND ESPECIALLY CONFUSED.

MAYBE A BIT STRESSED TOO.

I'M SORRY NICOLE!

I LOVE YOU!

HANNAH,

I WANT TO READ YOUR FAIRY STORIES I HOPE YOU DIDN'T DELETE THEM.

AND NOW JACKY FABER IS A SERVING MAID.

GOD I HATE CLARISSA.

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO JENNY IS.

BUT I LIKE THE NAME JEFFERSON BETTER.

I HAVE FOUND THAT I AM INTO J NAMES.

AND THE NAME SEBASTIAN.

OH DEAR ERICA HAS TO GO BRUSH HER TEETH AND SPEAK NORMALLY IN 1ST PERSON NOW.

AND THEN SHE IS GOING TO READ MORE ABOUT JACKY AND THEN SHUT HER EYES AND DREAM BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE DO WHEN WE SLEEP.

GOOD LUCK ERICA!

WE WISH YOU A LIFE!

Man I'm confused.

I'm going to think beautiful thoughts and go to bed

UN-STRESSED!

Yes,

there was a blind man,

and he lived in the streets

As he sat there,

he played his own sad tune.

People cried,

People wept,

but there was nothing they could do.

Then one day a girl came by,

She went over to the man,

and asked him why he was so sad

He said...

I am a lonely man,

I am a poor man,

I am a blind man,

and I am a liar.

People cried,

People wept,

but there was nothing they could do.

The little girl asked why,

and the man did reply:

My girl has left,

my money's all spent,

and I have gone blind

Because that's how god punishes those who lie.

The little girl pointed out 

how he hadn't said how he lied.

But the man did reply 

that he had lied to his girl.

Again the girl asked why

and the man did reply:

I spent all the money 

on her wedding ring,

I tried to hide the surprise,

I got tangled up in lies.

Then I fell,

Down, down, down...

People cried,

People wept,

but there was nothing they could do.

Since I have been a blind man,

Unable to see.

My girl found some other man,

but someday,

I will find her again.

Find her again... (oh, again)

My Rule of The Day

Be nice,

and you'll get far.

John Kelley's 3 Live-by Rules About Girls (Directed Towards Guys)

1. Girls like cologne.

2. Never hit a girl.

3. Pamper them.

These three rules were given to some poor helpless 5th grader on the bus (I pity you Mark...I really do) during on of John's Lectures. 

But I do like them.

Though the first is slightly random...

Levon

"Levon sells cartoon balloons in town 

His family business thrives 

Jesus blows up balloons all day 

Sits on the porch swing watching them fly 

And jesus, he wants to go to venus 

Leaving levon far behind 

Take a balloon and go sailing 

While levon, levon slowly dies"

I love this quote.

You know why?

Because it's life.

Some where in the world someone is having the best day of their life,

and in another part someone is dying from starvation.

It just works so well to explain everything for me...

An Intriguing Discovery!

Wow,

sometimes I amaze myself (yes olivehead this would be one of those ego moments)

and Gina amazes me too.

We both think exactly alike...all of the time!

(this would be where Gina agrees with me)

This is why I love Sinfonia.

We both talk and get all of our feelings out by venting to each other about the same things.

And we'll be like "Yeah I feel the same way!"

Hah! It's so cool!

The Fairly Coincidental Hot Dog

There once was a man.

He sold hot-dogs.

He saw people every day.

Different people.

All different people.

Except for one man.

Whom he saw every day.

This man ordered the same thing every day.

He looked homely.

But not homeless.

He was bald.

He wore a battered sweater vest.

And he always had big bags under his eyes.

And he'd always say the same thing when he left the hot dog man.

Have a fine day sir.

A fairly normal man.

And then there was a woman.

Whom he saw every day.

So had full curly brown hair.

And dressed like she owned all the money in the world.

She had bright green eyes.

She also ordered the same thing every day.

And ironically she ordered the same thing as the homely looking man.

She was always with another.

With the same looking social stature as her.

But she was polite.

And when she left she would say the same thing every day to the hot dog man.

Have a nice day sir.

A genuinely nice woman.

So inside,

we all really like the same hot dog.

THE END

Sometimes everything just works out.

Sometimes it doesn't.

The Way My Heart Aches

This weird feeling,

this longing,

this aching,

I live for this.

I live to feel like the end of the world will come crashing down if I don't see you again.

I live to feel that thrill that I feel so often with you.

My heart aches for you today,

and with nothing to do,

it's ten times worse.

My Day Today

Ever had one of those days,

Where you can feel that something is going to happen?

Where you feel like you're going to do something fun even if you don't have plans yet?

And then you do nothing all day,

and you feel like you have to do something or you'remissing out?

Nothing's happening!

And so you have to do something,

anything,

to get out and go somewhere?

But nothing works out,

no plans are going to happen.

Nobody calls,

and you do nothing all day.

Waiting,

waiting for something to occur in your life.

You're bored out of your mind,

getting cranky from all the nothingness going on.

Yeah, well, this is my day today.

I long to have another best day ever again.

I want to go out and be somewhere!

Anywhere!

I NEED TO LEAVE MY HOUSE!!!!